2 months until the wedding!

lovely train with gold stitching

my beautiful daughter in law

August 4th is the legal wedding date with the JP followed by a very public handfasting at Hamilton Pagan Pride on September 16th.

There is still so much to do an no monies to it with but we are doing what we can.  

I have adopted a Pug her name is Hermoine and she is the sweetest dog I could have ever hoped for!

so cute

past out

adorable!

stupid fireworks scared her

Much going on in my life health wise, but since it isn't getting any better or any news about anything good I am not commenting right now LOL

Blessings to all and much love!

Not sure what to do

Today the kids announced they were moving to a friends as they are tired of arguing with me about everything.  My oldest and dearest friends came over and after hearing all the stuff going on with me they decided I should move in with them where at least I wouldn't be alone all the time, I could get things paid off faster and get my health back on track better.
I am struggling, this is true, but I don't want to give up my home and my neighborhood and complete freedom either.
I feel like I am standing at the cross roads and a decision has to be made and I am not sure I am of stable mind to make it.  However I also don't want to be ill forever either.
I know they love me and I have a week to decide what to do, then let my landlord know what I am going to do as well.
FUCK!!!!!!

Feeling Lost in my own Life

I am feeling so lost right now, not being able to drive has taken away so much from me.  I want to just take off in my truck and drive and just keep driving, but legally I can't.
Who knew that this would feel like someone cut off one of my limbs? 


I don't know what to do with myself, I can't just get in my truck and drive where ever I wish to go now.  I have to have bus fare or see if a friend can drive me, this sucks major ass!

Update on Life in my Realm

Monday, I went and picked up my friend Melissa from the airport.  She came for a week to visit from our Boston office, she is awesome and it's great having her here!

Tuesday was Shrink and Doctor day.  They are finding me my own therapist which is great and getting me into the DBT therapy that I dearly need, YA good news there!  

The dizzy spells have only gotten worse so like a good doctor should do, he pulled my driver's licence until we know why I am having these and I am on the list for a MRI and CT scan.  

Thursday I go for an ultrasound on my neck to make sure there are no blockages in my arteries or any damage that may be causing these spells to happen.

Due to the removal of my drivers licence, we had to postpone my mammogram and breast ultrasound until I can find a way to get to that clinic as it is in another city.

Today we are going to organize all the craft bins in my room and make my room into a peaceful area where I can meditate and do my exercises, since I am terrified to go to the gym right now.  

Then this evening we are meeting up with some of the people in my office to party with Melissa, thank Goddess she is driving and thankfully Faith will be driving us home since Melissa will be trashed LOL

Just taking this one day at a time, I am off work until June 10th now which means I will not be able to go to Indiana as planned in July, which all I can say is that is horribly sucky!!!  

Really wanted to see my family there again!  

It is a waiting game right now and I was never good at that part of life, so now I have a reason to try harder in that department.  

Life is precious and I have too much to live for to give up NOW!

~~Blessed Be!~~

Falling behind in Life

Well it has been a while since I have posted and I am so far behind in the Pagan blog project I am embarrassed with myself.  I am on another stress leave from work and hoping to go back soon since the insurance company has not approved my claim and have $18.00 to my fucking name!  
One of my dearest friends is coming up next week from Boston and I couldn't be more stoked if I tried, but then feel shitty I can't really do anything with her while she is here other than love on her and do lots of girl talk.  


I go back to the doctor's and the shrink on Tuesday thanks to the long Easter weekend, and hopefully they have some idea as to why I have developed dizzy spells with the odd black out here and there when my blood pressure is awesome.  Think I will have to push for a EEG or EKG or whatever it's called and a CT scan.  They say my med's are fine which is good since I am sure it is a loose fucking wire causing all this bullshit right now.  Looks like some good news on the DBT clinic fight and I may just take the regular shrink and the 20 week course for coping skills as they tell me I am intelligent enough to follow instruction LOL WTF??

Batshit Crazy!

Scarry assed coaster! I want off!

I just want to be well enough to work and be able to buy my med's, pay my bills, which are falling very behind thanks to the insurance company not approving me yet.  I can't even afford the note I require for being sane enough to return or insane enough to not return to work yet, not to mention I can't fill any prescriptions right now either.  I feel like I am on a roller coaster and as much as I use to love those fuckers, I sure as hell want off right the fuck NOW!


So tired of everything, think I will head to the chilly beach today and collect rocks for the kids as part of what they want to do for their wedding.  Just wish life would give me a fucking break instead of me feeling broken.


On the good news front, damn Aquarian in me has to have something good to add!  I have been cross stitching a wonderful design Salem Sisters by Plum Street Samplers and going to start Salem Sisters II and I hear the lovely Paulette is thinking of a 3rd!!!  Blessed my pointy hat!!
These are the 2 designs and when I finish mine today, I will post the picture of my version of it.

Salem Sisters

Salem Sisters II

I wish you all the most wonderful of days, may the sunshine warm your heart and make you feel like you are loved without question!  Blessed Be!