Crashes and Burns

ok so I had been doing so well with the whole change my mind, be positive about everything, go for the 2 walks a day in the freezing effing cold, just forgot to eat... so it seems you have to do it all you can't skip over little things like food or you go CRAZY!!!  You think everyone hates you, you go back into winter sleep mode come to think of it, I wonder if some light therepy would work? 
I have the middle section done on a design I am working on, YES one of my own designs although the boarder is KILLING ME painfully!!  I just can't get it to how it should be, maybe a little smaller that might do it, but anyway I am back to living inside my head for protection of my heart.  I thought having some days off a friend might want to do something but no didn't hear from them at all and then of course another friend must of had his son this weekend, or that is what I am going with or we have reached the pulling back and it will be another 30 yrs before I see him again Diver is commenting on my fb and it is confusing but I like her idea of punching someone out or buying something pretty although I would never punch anyone and don't have a dime to buy anything nevermind something pretty. 
Everytime I let the wall around my world come down it feels like I get stomped on and then am afraid to do it again for a very long time.  And that is not what this year is suppose to be about it is about changing the old into new, stopping being afraid of everything, looks like I keep my fear of being hurt by other people when I open myself up.
Goodnight