Thursday, December 23, 2010

so frustrated

Bills are huge, Pay is medium.  I was telling someone today that I am seriously thinking of having Joe move to his dad's and sleeping in my truck and she reminded me how cold it is and that I would use more gas etc but if I got a couple of sleeping bags and blankets and 2 times a week sleep at a hotel and 2 other times borrow a friend;s shower I should be ok.  I can get things paid off and it is only cold until the summer when I could camp should only take a year or 2 of this and then I would be debt free.
I could only imagine how awesome that would be!
However Joe doesn't want to move to his father's and I don't want to freeze my ass off so I don't know what to do!
It was so much easier with 2 full time incomes, sadly that is what I miss the most about being with someone is their half of the rent, hydro, gas, food etc.
Part of me just wants to expire so I don't have to feel this horrible anymore but then I have my boys and cats to worry about so I will not be doing anything stupid anytime soon.
I have to call the councilor back and make an appointment to go see him, have to find the paper from Dr. Rana with the information on shrinks he recommends, not to mention I need to find my glasses and hair brush too I don't know where things go in this place it is too small to turn around sometimes but yet I keep loosing everything.
well, I have to get to work so I can get up and work on my resume in the morning I have to find a part time job for my 2 days off, to help pay some shit off.  And too think I had to rip off my own family this Christmas with promises of gifts later I feel like a complete and udder useless messy fuck!!!!
Goddess help me to be more positive and loving towards myself.
So Mote it Be!

2 comments:

Dark Mother said...

I'm sorry for your frustration. Let it out girl. Let it all out, every day if necessary. Don't let that poison fester inside. Give it to the Goddess and She will protect you.

Goddess Bless.

Wendy said...

Sounds like you're in the middle of a huge tornado with all these options and frustrations and worries. Take one small step at a time and don't do anything too drastic as we're in Merc. retro until the 30th. Divide what you can maybe by writing down, what actions don't feel so overwhelming and then be as kind to yourself as possible. Sending you lots of blessings.