Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Me, Son #1 and Depression can you say "I'm DONE"!

FML!!
Well, since Mike moved back in my life has been a virtual see saw of emotions.  Happy he is here and safe, then pissed off he is sneaking off in the middle of the night to be with his 'street' friends.  Then has to tell me he has met the daughter of his 'street father' and is moving to Brampton to live with her and he is in LOvE.  The kid can't spell it never mind know what it fucking means.

I read on facebook that he is going to be leaving sooner than planned, well for one I thing, I think that is what it says, you can't read his attempt at spelling, for 2 he just met this girl and he is going to go live with her? WTF???  I have decided that I am not going to work overtime this week so I can concentrate on putting protection spells on my house and everything, including me, in it.  At this point I don't care if he moves away.  Since he's been here my depression is higher, my anxiety is brutal and I can't find a damn thing that makes me happy unless I am not in my home.  This is MY home and I am taking it back damn it!

He says he is taking his medication for his bipolar, but I don't think he even has any to be honest, he is just saying what he thinks I want to hear.  I am tired of all of this and I don't like it either, so bye, I love you but good bye.
It maybe cruel and strange considering my last posting, but damn I thought I had road this coaster before and marked it off my list of things to do again, but here we are again. 
This is my time, my house, my cats, my stuff, my junk mine mine mine!!!!!!!!!
I am not willing to risk my mental health for anyone, not even my 21yr old son.  Yes mentally he is behind about 4 years, but I have put him in counseling, in therapy got him special help in school etc etc etc and yet, he doesn't care.  Oh well he can live the life he chooses from now on.  This mother is finished.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Love of your Children

It is amazing how much love a Mother has for her children no matter their age or what they do. I could not imagine not having my children in my life, even though Joey lives with his dad and Mike is now living with me again I love them so much it can and does hurt.
Mike got to see the ultrasound with this girlfriend this past Friday and the joy on his face as he told me about it just filled my heart with joy! I will support him no matter what, that is what a Mother is suppose to do. Joe is just starting to enter the dating of teenage girls and finding out just how hormonal girls can be, my heart goes out to him it is not easy being almost 16 and dating. So glad my teens are DONE lol
The boys go on Tuesday to get their top braces, I am sure it is not going to be a fun time LOL
I have started to plan a container garden for my house. I am going to make a natural magic space in my room as it is my area of freedom and the only space left that is just mine. I plan on creating an area for meditation and a place for my alter where I can celebrate being a Wiccan.
I am going to arrange my cross stitch patterns and stash tomorrow and donate a bunch to my online group for prizes. I have been printing off orders galore for my distributor and now must wait until Friday to mail them all out. However they did pickup 2 more of my designs so that is a good thing and one that makes me so very happy!
I am currently stitching on items for the tea quilt I am going to make this summer for my living room. I have a number of good friends that have stitched pieces for my quilt and it is going to be a quilt of love having so many people contributing to it.
Then I will start working on a baby quilt of cross stitch blocks from myself and some friends for my Grandson coming August 12th, 2008, this will be another project of love. I am very excited for Stephanie and Michael expecting their first child, they are young she is 20 he is 18 1/2 but I believe with the support of myself and her family they are going to make it and do well as a young family.
It is odd how when it rains it pours in peoples lives, my oldest and dearest friend is going through a horrible time after 20 years of marriage her husband says he is done. My heart and love goes out to them all. I know this is such a hard time for them.
Mike is having panic attacks missing his half brother and his Dad. It is so painful to see your children in so much pain. I just wish I could make everything better with a kiss like when they were 5yrs old. But they are men now and that just isn't going to happen. I have to get him to a doctor and get him something for his anxiety I am aware some of it is heredity, but some of it is caused by his missing his Dad and his brothers so very much.
I am proud that he is going to finish high school in February 2009 with his grade 12 diploma and his girl friend will get hers this June. It means so much that they both stuck with school and finished it!
I love all my children, the 2 I gave birth too, and the ones that love and trust me enough to call me Mom. You are all very special to me and together we will all get through all of life's thrills and disappointments.
Well I guess I am finished with my rant and run on here, but also have to thank Franzilla for the words of wisdom, if I do not give power to those who are hateful, or do not give support when it is needed it takes away their power to be a negative influence in my life.
I know both God & Goddess will help me to get through this and it just means I have to trust my judgement and in my faith, do what I feel is good and right and what I feel is right for my children.
Love, Faith and Hope are all we have when it comes down to it and they will guide us through everything we end up facing.