Saturday, July 09, 2011

Me, Son #1 and Depression can you say "I'm DONE"!

FML!!
Well, since Mike moved back in my life has been a virtual see saw of emotions.  Happy he is here and safe, then pissed off he is sneaking off in the middle of the night to be with his 'street' friends.  Then has to tell me he has met the daughter of his 'street father' and is moving to Brampton to live with her and he is in LOvE.  The kid can't spell it never mind know what it fucking means.

I read on facebook that he is going to be leaving sooner than planned, well for one I thing, I think that is what it says, you can't read his attempt at spelling, for 2 he just met this girl and he is going to go live with her? WTF???  I have decided that I am not going to work overtime this week so I can concentrate on putting protection spells on my house and everything, including me, in it.  At this point I don't care if he moves away.  Since he's been here my depression is higher, my anxiety is brutal and I can't find a damn thing that makes me happy unless I am not in my home.  This is MY home and I am taking it back damn it!

He says he is taking his medication for his bipolar, but I don't think he even has any to be honest, he is just saying what he thinks I want to hear.  I am tired of all of this and I don't like it either, so bye, I love you but good bye.
It maybe cruel and strange considering my last posting, but damn I thought I had road this coaster before and marked it off my list of things to do again, but here we are again. 
This is my time, my house, my cats, my stuff, my junk mine mine mine!!!!!!!!!
I am not willing to risk my mental health for anyone, not even my 21yr old son.  Yes mentally he is behind about 4 years, but I have put him in counseling, in therapy got him special help in school etc etc etc and yet, he doesn't care.  Oh well he can live the life he chooses from now on.  This mother is finished.

1 comment:

Dark Mother said...

I can't even imagine the mental and emotional pain this must cause on a mother. I don't know what to say to you other than I wish you peace in your life, your home and your heart.