Me, Son #1 and Depression can you say "I'm DONE"!

FML!!

Well, since Mike moved back in my life has been a virtual see saw of emotions.  Happy he is here and safe, then pissed off he is sneaking off in the middle of the night to be with his 'street' friends.  Then has to tell me he has met the daughter of his 'street father' and is moving to Brampton to live with her and he is in LOvE.  The kid can't spell it never mind know what it fucking means.

I read on facebook that he is going to be leaving sooner than planned, well for one I thing, I think that is what it says, you can't read his attempt at spelling, for 2 he just met this girl and he is going to go live with her? WTF???  I have decided that I am not going to work overtime this week so I can concentrate on putting protection spells on my house and everything, including me, in it.  At this point I don't care if he moves away.  Since he's been here my depression is higher, my anxiety is brutal and I can't find a damn thing that makes me happy unless I am not in my home.  This is MY home and I am taking it back damn it!

He says he is taking his medication for his bipolar, but I don't think he even has any to be honest, he is just saying what he thinks I want to hear.  I am tired of all of this and I don't like it either, so bye, I love you but good bye.
It maybe cruel and strange considering my last posting, but damn I thought I had road this coaster before and marked it off my list of things to do again, but here we are again. 
This is my time, my house, my cats, my stuff, my junk mine mine mine!!!!!!!!!
I am not willing to risk my mental health for anyone, not even my 21yr old son.  Yes mentally he is behind about 4 years, but I have put him in counseling, in therapy got him special help in school etc etc etc and yet, he doesn't care.  Oh well he can live the life he chooses from now on.  This mother is finished.

1 son moves out, the other moves in

I should be sleeping, however I am not.  Today my youngest son moved out.  He is going to be working full time at a plant 2 minutes from his father's so he moved in there for the summer and will be moving back in the fall before college.  It was heart breaking to say the least!  I bawled like a baby seeing my grown up baby leave.  An hour before that happened, my oldest showed up looking like shit, turns out he has been living on the fucking streets the past month, WTF??? 
So I talked to Joe when he came in and was packing and I was sobbing and he said "well mom change my blanket, pillow and sheets and he can move into my room for the summer and maybe you can get his ass moving in the right direction".  Wow how can 19 be so smart!
So I approached Mike, asked him if he would like to stay here for the summer then look for a place to live.  He agreed!  So now I don't have to stress about where and how and who he is living with and I know Joe is safe at his dads.  Maybe I can get Mike on his med's for his bi-polar properly while he is here!

A happy Mom!

open mouth insert a foot or 2

UGH!  All this cycling is killing me I have started fights with my oldest, my best friend and my insides today.

I did find out that Ben & Jerry's 'if I had 1,000,000 Flavours icecream is the best! However, the price is horrible!

I calmed myself down with a great cauldron of sweetgrass, sage and lavender buds and let it wash throught the apartment and over myself however when I should have just shut down and go to bed, I ended up starting an arguement with my best friend who informed me that I am immature.  I do not disagree with this conclusion and if she wants to remove me from her life because of that, well that is her problem not mine and I am not going to let it get to me lol except for the tears running down my face and my breaking heart but whatever.  I will never be as smart, as amazing or as awesome as she is, however could be I am just really tired and I am making things worse.  I know I did when I typed the last message to her.

Anyway, my friends and family, I am still alive however a hormonal bitch at large... BED