Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Changing Blog Name for now

I am feeling very selfish and embarrassed for the fear, hate, feelings of wanting to be dead my deep depression and my anxiety while I have so many friends affected by cancers in their lives and me I am just dark and pissed off and angry with everything.

I am going to do some reading up on the dark Goddess' it would seem that The Morgan and Hekate are both touching me well SHOVING me to look into their beings. 

Hekate's correspondances are as follows;
Attributes: Protecting women and dogs and cursing the unjust I get this but cats more than dogs

Color: Midnight blue, burgundy, silver and black Love these colours in my life
Symbols: Torch, dog, snake owls, cauldron, key, rope, dagger and willow dogs, owls the cauldron old keyes all keep showingup in my dreams lately and well I have always loved willow
Element: Earth
Stone/Metal: Onyx, moonstone and silver onyx and moonstone are 2 stones I always keep with me and 98% of my jewlery is silver

The Morgan's ability to shape shift into the raven omg I am always seeing these birds not to mention that is what I named my truck lol
As I said more research is needed but let me get to why I need this right now.

I get a call this morning from the insurance company saying oh btw you are no longer covered and should see your doctor to get a note for returning to work asap.  If anyone has dealt with these vultures you know that every note has a fee.  I am now a month behind in my rent, and have to call my car insurance company as i don't know when I will have the money to pay them this month's money and I am going to Yet again bounce an automatic payment on Friday.  I explain to my doctor what is going on and he says that isn't correct they read the information wrong and that yes they require the information from the hospital however mentally I am no where near I need to be to be going back to work.  So he tells me to go home call the hospital and have them fax the information to him asap and he will fax it with his letter to the insurance company showing my incompidance in returning to work right now.  So now I am in waiting limbo again I never got to go to my exercise class and I have a blind date this evening.  I just want to heavily smoke, drink, fall down drunk and not wake up for several days... even concidered doing some horrible things earlier like taking an overdose of pills but didn't want my kid to find me I just don't know what to do I am a total HOTMESS!!!!
I know it is wrong but I think things would be so much better without me


Gordon said...

Oh honey, I know those thoughts. So I genuinely feel for you right now.

Suffice it to say, those thoughts are completely wrong.

There are things people can say like "it will get better" and blah blah blah. They're all true but little help at this point.

Seeking out darker godforms is an interesting strategy. Shoulda tried that. My only observation is to go Hindu instead. Kali maybe?

Sherry )O( AutumnTurtle said...

Thank you Gordon, actually am reading about Kali as well.
thank you for the great comment it is welcomed!

Following you on Twitter now!