Missing my Grand's

Lately while doing my meditation studies I have been seeing the colours red, black and white and those colours make me think of my Nanny.  With her white hair and blouse and her red vest and black skirts.  It is funny when both my Nanny and Poppa were still alive, I use to dream of a green house and a green chair next to a fireplace with a brown leather chair on the other side of the fireplace and I knew my Grandmother and Grandfather were watching over me and that felt safe, and now I since going through what I can only call my 'breakdown' it seems my Nanny is close by and it feels like she is hugging me sometimes and other times just sitting on the side of my bed.  These are lovely feelings; I feel the love of my grandparents from both sides sending it out to me and I am forever grateful and wish I knew how to send them love back.

I think my urge for sewing and knitting right now are my connecting with my grandmothers somehow, wow I am actually crying as I write this out lol I am such an old sap! lol

Reading my cousin's blog today and how she dealt with her bickering kids reminded me so much of our Nanny and how much she loved all of us Grand's and the Great Grand's and would have been thrilled to have meet the Great Great Grand's.  Thank you Michelle for reminding me of the loving nature of Doris we were so lucky to have had her for as long as we did and to have Poppa even longer was such a wonderful blessing. 

I have OFTEN thought about how it would have been to have my Mom's parents see us grow up into the adults we have become, I wish they could have seen us and all our kids, I think they would have enjoyed it a great deal! 

To Thomas, Olive, Doris and Frank, I miss each of you so much and for some reason a lot today.  May you all keep watching over all of us and sending us the love we sometimes do not think we deserve. 
I love you all very much. 
Sharron Colleen

Memories

Wrapping my head around having to work this Yule and having Christmas off and spending it in a house with around 20 or so people that are all family.  Now in the land of 'NORMAL' this would not be an issue, but in the land of severe manic depressive plus social anxiety it is like having over a hundred people in a 10 X 10 room. 
This is the first year of no grandparents and I am missing all of mine a lot.  I was shopping with Faith and we were looking at all the different cheeses and it hit me, we won't be getting our cheese this year.  My Nanny and Poppa (Dad's parents) gave us cheese as part of our gift.  I got so sad then I started thinking of all the Christmas we never got to have with my Mom's Dad he passed when I was 5 or 6 yrs old and I know he would have loved seeing us all each year we grew up. I miss my Grandmother sleeping over in Susan's bed and being there with us for all the Christmas' that I can remember.  I remember I bought her creamed corn for her stocking one year LOL. There are so many memories with my sisters and my cousins, my Aunts and Uncles.  Nanny's sugar cookies with the wild icing and silver balls you weren't suppose to eat lol  I loved Christmas' as a child.  OH and the Icelandic Prune cake not sure who made it but surprising it was awesomely good!  I think one of Mom's family members in Winnipeg sent it to Grandma, but that could be wrong.  I use to be the 1st or 2nd to be awake, a toss up between me and my Dad lol Nanny always made us pj's every year that usually matched and we opened them after Christmas eve church services then went to bed after Dad set up the camera on the tripod so Santa could take pictures of the tree after he put the presents and stockings under the tree!  We were surprised every single year!  I wonder if Sandy remembers the year we were so sure our parents were Santa and we were in our room and HEARD the sound of sleigh bells!!  We dove under the covers and went right to sleep we didn't want him to miss our house!! Oh the memories I have are wonderful and what every child should have, we were so lucky.  I hope I have given my boys memories that were that wonderful!

So I will go there on the 25th with my meager gifts and my broccoli and both my son's and a camera with extra batteries and try to remember to take pictures of everyone and each family and my parents with all the grands and great grand kids, it sounds like another year of good memories.